Final Piece of my Testimony (thus far)

Part 3

Conversion

On February 7, 2003, after about six months of wrestling with God I surrendered my life to Him. Asking Him to remove my sins, and acknowledging and believing that Jesus's perfect life took the place of my imperfect one; He suffered the death that my actions deserved. I was clothed in an identity that would change me forever. One that I did not desire to change year after year. One that I embraced as: holy and beloved by God because of Christs perfect life and death which became my own. I deserved none of it, but gained it all. No matter what I did, nothing could change that I was a child of God, sought by God and continually sanctified by God.

God created me and called me to know Him. I searched and searched and searched, but He found me at just the right place and offered a gift of grace; assurance of a life in eternity with Him that was too irresistible to refuse.

Post Conversion

I wish I could say it was smooth sailing from here....but the reality is that sin is cunning and it lured me, not away, but its call was all too familiar as i tried to fit back into my old life style. However, the conviction of my actions were so strong and different from before i knew Christ that I could no longer be two people. God wanted all of me. I struggled for a good year with binge drinking and the party scene. I wanted so badly to live a life worthy of the Gospel, but I felt I failed after every weekend. Little did I know that I was living a life worthy of the gospel. I was displaying brokeness of sin, confession, redemption and sanctification. This process was an emotional whirl-wind, but it taught me utter dependence and reliance on God.

While living this pattern, I found myself completely in love with God's Word. I would sit in my Anthropology and Advertising lectures with a pocket bible reading Philippians, Ephesians, Hebrews, the Gospels, Colossians and the Psalms. I devoured it! I sometimes look back on this time of rich growth with envy. I became very involved with Campus Crusade and Greek Ministry where I was able to lead a bible study, disciple my little sis in my sorority and watch some sorority sisters be converted to become sisters in Christ! It was a rich time of fellowship!

Nearing the end of my sophomore year in college I felt God calling me to go on a summer missions project to Daytona Beach, Florida to live amongst 90 some odd Campus Crusade college students from all over the US to work and minister within the community. I knew that raising the financial support to go on this trip would be a huge task, considering i knew very few Christian families. An even harder task would be gaining the "support" from my un-believing mom who tried to control my life at every turn. I knew being obedient to my heavenly father took precedent over my earthly parents on this matter. Consequently, God prepared her heart and she reluctantly allowed me to go. It was in God's plan for me to go, nothing was going to stop His sovereignty. Not even my mom :)

This was the absolute best summer of my life. It was a spiritual green house. I flourished in the fellowship with other believers and began to shed my former self's desires like smoking and drinking. I also made some incredible friendships there that are still present in my life today. One of which is the most important earthly relationship I would ever have; my husband.

It was not even an hour into me being in Daytona when I was approached by the "boy with the blue eyes and blue trunks". I was immediately attracted. More so than his looks was His over whelming love for the Lord and the lost. He was a leader in our group; a shepherd at a young age. He inspired me to "run my race with perseverance" and to "never doubt what God has promised in the dark in the light". God began to deeply knit our hearts together as we shared many conversations that laid the foundation of our marriage. I knew unconditional love, from a person for the first time.

Bryan pursued me that summer towards marriage, of which we have now been for 3 1/2 years. Byran continues to teach and lead me with love and honor. Yet another blessing I do not deserve. He loves me as Christ loves the Church. Treating me not as my actions deserve, but rather as love would have it. He is in his second year at The Southern Theological Seminary in the pursuit of a Masters of Divinity in Christian Ministry. He is brilliant and will make a wonderful professor and pastor. It is a joy to be the first of his many students. I type this as our first child, a daughter dances in my belly. She is fearfully and wonderfully made by the same creator that called me by name out of darkness, and into his marvelous light! He called me and led me down this journey filled with His irresistible grace as my guide.

Testimony Cont'd

Part Two

The Spiritual "Slide"
I went to an all-girls Catholic high school. Most people laugh when I say this and ask if I hated it and if I was forced to go there. To which i boldly proclaim: I LOVED every STINKIN' moment of my days at dear ole' SHA! I made some of the best friendships of my life there. Four women who will forever be in my life affectionately known as the Ya Ya's are the closest thing i have to sisters. Even though its been over 10 years since we all met and who's lives are on radically different paths, we still pick up just where we left off. If it hadn't been for the comfort, vulnerability and love that Sacred Heart Academy's walls encouraged, I do not know if I would have ever found such great girl friends.

I learned many "valuable" (and i use that term with much sarcasm) things at SHA. Many not related to school! Like how to re-invent myself, as i did several times over the years. With different color hair, peircings and stories about my past that painted a facade of who i wanted others to see me as. In addition to this I learned my alcohol limit, drinking games, party scenes, what second and third base were like and that I was completely empty by all the things i attempted to fill my life with. I had wins and loses, successes and failures, broken hearts and mended relationships...yada yada yada. So the saga of high school goes for most of us. But one thing I am so thankful for that did come out of my time at SHA was God's every present pursuit of my soul. He sent His holy spirit to bend me towards a desire for Godly things versus the things I tried to find myself in. Things like the death of my Grandfather and my brothers brain injury helped to guide me in the search for answers.

By my senior year I was very eager to "know" God and because I was not Catholic my religion teacher took my questions and enquiries to mean that I need to be converted to Catholicisim. Which I attempted my senior year and summer before my freshman year in college. I led a double life. I had overwhelming desires to have a relationship with God, but my relationship with the world took first priority because no one truly explained what it meant to know and be known by God.

Freshman year, first semester in college were some of the lowest and highest times of my life, literally. I again began to reinvent myself by experimenting with drugs and began sliding down a path of alcohol induced fun. Class was for over achievers, which I was not! I joined a sorority to remain connected to a feminine bond that I loved so much at SHA; it was comforting, but not the same. I had friends that loved me, I was popular and well liked by all and I was on top of the world with a drink in each hand. I was also deep in the valleys of the consequences of such a lifestyle. I was dependent on alcohol to have fun, failing at school and utterly faced with feeling very much alone.

Thats when i met my "twin". Her name is Lindsay and she sounded like me, looked like me had a personality like me....but was a Christian. In fact, she was on staff with a Christian, non-denominational organization called Campus Crusade for Christ. She spent her days at Starbucks meeting with college women talking about God. I thought she was interesting, but weird. One thing I will never forget is her asking me this question:

"If you were to die tonight on a scale of 0 to 100% how sure are you that you'd go to heaven?"

A question for which I immediately answered "80%". Feeling pretty satisfied with myself I explained that it was because I was going through RCIA classes to become a Catholic, and because I am a good person; I can attain such good standings. Little did I know that was the beginning of many conversations that led to my discovery that God was not as concerned with the things that I did, than with the condition of my heart. Currently, my heart was living a lie and being torn in a thousand different places which made the things that I did separate me from fully knowing a holy God.

Testimonial in 3 Parts....

Part One

Back-Story
I was born in Maryland in 1984. I have a brother who is 3 1/2 years older than me. My parents were absolute opposites, which explains the dissolution of their marriage in 1994. My mom is controlling, neurotic and irrational. My dad is impatient, arrogant and Italian. When they are not together; Mom is still controlling, but has moments of spontaneity and fun. Dad is still arrogant, but extremely funny and has a dominate personality that you either love or hate. My brother terrorized me all throughout my childhood. This is where i learned submission; it certainly was not shown in my parents marriage! It was not until I was in high school did my brother stop acknowledging me as a slave, nuisance and embarrassment, but rather a drinking buddy.

My parents divorce was the best thing that could have happened to me during my childhood. Some would say that is a strange thing to say, but I believe what i took away from it was extremely beneficial to my adolescence and adulthood. Now of course, like every product of divorce I still had my struggles with commitment and trust. It did however, allow me to be two different people around my parents. With my dad i was funny, loud and center of attention. With my mom I was quiet, obedient and disciplined. I enjoyed the structure of my mom's household and the freedom of my dads'. Both sides helped me discover my true personality.

So apparently i am a match maker. Both my parents met their spouses through me. My step mom was a mutual friend with my childhood friend's parents. One night while at my friend's house my future step mom was over and my dad dropped me off and stayed for a drink. I must have noticed the chemistry and boldly told my dad to ask her out on a date! They married several years later and are still married to this day! My mom met my step father because one summer afternoon i wound up in an ER with a broken and foot and low and behold my doctor was Mr. Right for my mom. Mr. Right ended up ruining my life at the age of 12 by marrying my Mom and uprooting me to Kentucky, where i believed no one wore shoes and married cousins.

To my dismay, by my high school days Kentucky was more of "my home" than any other place. I loved the south. The people, the accents, the slow pace, easy going life style. It was actually a big adjustment from the hustle and bustle of Baltimore suburbs, but I grew to love it! My dad, brother and entire family remained in Maryland and I visited often.