So I realize that I haven't written in quite sometime. I don't really have a good reason for it, I just haven't. Life seems to be going much faster these days. Spring has sprung and that means I have too. Literally, SPRUNG out of our "cave", also known as a house and proceeded to get a little "UV Therapy", as I like to call it.
What is it about a beautiful, sunny day that just makes me feel like I can do anything and that everything is going to be ok? I wake up with a new sense of purpose and possibilities for the day seem endless. Which is probably the reason for my absence in writing; we've taken every advantage of these gorgeous days by spending them outdoors!!
SIDE NOTE: I laughed as Bryan's facebook status one day said something like: "Mental note: Must move wife to warmer climates, she is a different person!!" Ohh, how this made me smile and hurt all at the same time. I feel a little shamed at my obvious seasonal affective disorder (I don't really have this) and how its had its effects on my poor hubby! Sorry babe!
If you don't find us at Seneca Park walking the track, you can find us sitting on our front steps watching the people pass by as they walk to the park. Did I mention I love living "on the strip". That's what I am going to start calling it. Mainly because a MILLION people (maybe not quite that many) walk by our house everyday. Our street is a good cut through to a great park. So we like to sit out front and watch them go by. Calvin particularly enjoys watching the action from our glass storm door. I kind of equate this to being at the beach and sitting on a balcony on the boardwalk. People watching at its best!
I will have to say that that is one of my absolute favorite things in the entire world to do. Not the people watching part, but sitting on a balcony, ocean front! There is NOTHING better than waking early with my bible, some good worship music, coffee in hand sitting on my balcony watching the waves crash as I praise God for His creation. My thoughts and meditations, about God, are so much clearer when all that sets in front of me is the wide expanse of His created beauty. I swear my heart beats to the rhythm of the ocean. I am a beach-baby. Growing up only 3 hours away from one for the better part of my life made it possible to be there every summer, sometimes up to three times a season! Its been almost two years since I've been to the beach. The closest we've gotten to a large body of water was in Chicago at Navy Pier. Or the other day when I was at my friend's wedding rehearsal which was at Captains Quarters on the Ohio River. Yes, its sad when you "liken" the Ohio River to an Ocean.....but its something about the movement of large bodies of water that just make my insides get that feeling you get as your about to go down a really big hill on a roller coaster ride. I just love it. And I miss it.
Lately, I've gotten this same feeling as I've driven through our city; the actual inner-city. Or thought about being in a city. Another thing I've loved since childhood is BIG BUILDINGS, LOTS OF COMMOTION, HUSTLE and BUSTLE; CITY LIFE! I remember telling my dad as a kid that I wanted to live where the Cosby's lived in NYC. I imagined what life would be like spent on the steps of a rather nice (at least the Cosby's was on TV) town house in Brooklyn. I think this view was also ingrained in my mind from watching Sesame Street as a child too. They used to have many-a segment spent on the steps of their town house located in some city on Sesame Street. I always told my mom "one day, I'm going to live in New York City". That day may come sooner than we think. Stay tuned to the blog for details. Pray for us and our hearts for city ministry.
Well...all that to say: Life is happening, daily. I am so in love with my daughter. She is precious. I confess that the Lord has showed me that I can (and do quite frequently) put her before Him. I have allowed her to be an idol. I have worshiped her, rather than my Creator; when instead I should have been worshiping Him who created her and entrusted me with this gift. He gives and takes away. I can fathom the giving part, but the taking away part would be the dread of my soul. Why don't I have that same dread in my soul when I neglect worshiping my Heavenly Father? See the problem? Idolatry. Ewww its a nasty monster and it all too often captivates and wins the hearts of mothers every where.
Another reason I have not blogged (with written words) in quite sometime has been my serious struggle with apathy towards God and doubt. He has me on a journey that I do not quite understand fully yet, but He is beginning to help me see. The biggest problem was realizing I was idolizing Mady before my Savior. The next revelation came today:
Even if God never takes me out of this "spiritual funk" I still must praise Him. My feelings change like the wind, but my God is a rock and remains the same. He deserves glory, honor and praise; regardless of how I am feeling. He is good. He has saved me. Brought me from death to life. Eternal life. Which is ten thousand times better than any balcony on the beach!
My encouragement has been:
"For whatever was written in former days was written for our instruction, that through endurance and through the encouragement of scriptures we might have hope. May the God of endurance and encouragement grant you to live in such harmony with one another in accordance with Christ Jesus, that together you may with one voice glorify the God and Father our Lord Jesus Christ. " Romans 15: 4-6
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