Praying for Contentment.....

So I've decided that praying for contentment is probably my biggest issue over the past several years.
I am pretty sure I have even blogged about this issue a few times already.
I also know that it is a very easy thing to say....but a super hard thing to actually be.

After kind of meditating over the past few days on the process of being content and praying for contentment I have come away with a few things....

1.) Contentment is a scary thing to pray for.

Not scary like "boo", but scary like the enormously vacant feeling you will have when you finally release that which you have held on to.... Left is this desolate place that can be scary and make you feel very alone; a place also for your thoughts to multiply and leaves room for Satan to steal, kill and destroy (Jn. 10:10)

Thankfully, as a Believer this can be a very rich time of growth. Removing the "old" soil and making room ("tilling" and filter out the waste) for the new soil to produce a harvest of righteousness in good works, new blessings and other sweet surprises from the Lord.

"No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it."

Hebrews 21:11

So in my case, praying for contentment (or the act of seeking contentment) looks like this.

Me doing a lot of praying, pleading, crying-out to the Lord to take certain desires away if it is not in fact due time to see this particular prayer answered. Its scary. 

For so long and in my child bearing years you strive to be like those around you and increase your family. We have done it once before, so its seems attainable. You know the feelings, the journey, the excitement...you've been there, so it is natural to desire it. Even as a woman; its a God given natural desire to pray for the Lord to give you more "arrows" in your quiver. (Psalm 127:5)

But the reward of contentment is worth the struggle. It seems that it is another necessary step in a Believers journey in Sanctification; or becoming more like Christ.

"Now there is great gain in godliness with contentment," 

1 Tim. 6:6

2.) Contentment is a process.

It ain't happening overnight folks. 

You may pray the same prayer a thousand and one times before you feel "content". 

You may also feel content one day and then the next day feel completely despaired by your lack of contentment. 

I know, personally I have definitely felt this way. I must pray every day, moment by moment, thought by thought for God to take away the (healthy/normal) desire for us to become pregnant. I want contentment to wait on His timing.

The actual definition of "Contentment" is "a state of happiness and satisfaction". 

This seems kind of lacking, if you ask me. Like, where is the formula? Where is the "means" to which one gains the state of contentment/ happiness/ satisfaction. How do you get there when you've walked through death and hurt. Its a process. 

    "Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me."Philippians 4:11-13

I love Paul's description of the journey of every Believer. Its a process of being brought low, then abounding to only face hunger again...to be delighted by abundance later. I find it encouraging that all the Believers, even the old school ones back in the Old Testament also spoke to this same thing....

Here is (possibly David) in the Psalms: 

    

"You who have made me see many troubles and calamities
        will revive me again;
    from the depths of the earth
        you will bring me up again.
    You will increase my greatness
        and comfort me again."

        Psalm 71:20-21 

 Its a process.....

3.) Christ is meant to be our only true and lasting contentment.

Yes, He does give us good gifts. Yes it is normal to desire good, God given gifts.

But the loneliness I feel because of the lack of this "good gift" is actually NOT GOOD. 

I am just being real. I have really struggled on multiple levels. It seems like every one around me right now is either pregnant or adopting. Everyday I hear of someone new. This is great and I am truly rejoicing with those who are rejoicing (Romans 12:15)...but sometimes its hard not to mourn when you are left without the same joy yourself. 

I have been super encouraged by several close friends who have continued to journey with me in prayer and sending me sweet notes and kind texts. Hearing my heart and crying out to the Lord on my behalf. I am so blessed. Thank you!!!

None of this, however is meant to fulfill my need for contentment. Even an ANSWER, or positive pregnancy test, in my case IS NOT meant to fulfill my need for contentment alone.

Only Christ can do that....and He is....but like I said earlier, its a process!! 

I have good days and bad. I am thankful the good days are far greater than the bad. However. The process of Contentment is a life long journey. This year and in this season it is pregnancy. In another season it will be something else. 

The Lord is teaching me less about treasuring things on this earth (like kids, husbands,  health, wealth and prosperity...all good gifts from Him) but more on my inheritance in Christ.  As a believer, my significance, happiness and satisfaction is wrapped up in Christ. All other blessings are meant as gifts. Not my sole source of contentment.....and when I do that my joy returns!!!

"but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."

Matthew 6:20-21

My prayer is that my heart would alone be satisfied in His goodness and my redemption in Christ, like the above verse suggests.

Please pray that and these other verses with me.

^" Better is the little that the righteous has
   than the abundance of many wicked."

Psalm 37:16

"But as for me, my prayer is to you, O LORD.
   At an acceptable time, O God,
   in the abundance of your steadfast love answer me in your saving faithfulness."

Psalm 69:13