Announcing...

The newest member of our family, being fearfully and wonderfully knitted together by a God who gives good gifts is currently taking up residence in my womb! After a year of heartbreak and loss, we are thrilled to announce the newest blessing due to arrive in early November. Same due date as Mady :), just 3 years later.

I have written and re-written this post in my mind at least 10 different times. I want to rejoice in this good gift, while also being sensitive to those who are grieving their own losses. I know countless women who are also struggling with infertility and adoption delays and complications. Pregnancy and Parenthood is an amazing gift from the Lord, but often the road to this blessing is filled with hardship and struggle.

For us our first baby, Mady was conceived after several months of trying and a diagnosis of endometriosis, several years prior. We were hopeful that God's plan would be be for our good and His glory. Sometimes this results in a child and sometimes this does not. Either way, I have learned God is to be glorified in my SUFFERING and MY REJOICING! Because, HE upholds my life in BOTH of those places.

Thankfully, Mady came without mishap or problem. A picture perfect pregnancy. She is a blessing and continues to be.

"Did I not tell you that if you believed you would see the glory of God?"

John 11:40

We began 2011 hopeful with dreams of adopting. Shortly after being offered an amazing financial assistance to adopt, we were told we do not qualify to pass our home study based on income requirements. Then we began trying for our second child. We miscarried 3 babies in just 7 months. One baby we carried to 10 weeks and had to have surgery. I felt empty, despaired, lost, alone, scared and.... thankful for a strong relationship with a God who comforts...and He did. I blogged many times through my healing in losing these babies.

So now, here we are. In this different place. A place were most people are over the moon with excitement over the news of a new little one, I was scared at every turn. I wanted so badly things to go well, but I doubted. So many times I wrestled with whether I was really trusting God fully and if I was, then why would I still be struggling with this fear and doubt. 

I had great conversations with countless Godly women who prayed with me, counseled me and encouraged me with scripture. I prayed and sought the Lord continually with this fear and I came away realizing that even BEING PREGNANT is another form of suffering for me (and especially in the early stages). It wasn't me DOUBTING GOD and His goodness. Because CLEARLY I had seen through our losses His immediate grace and mercy in comforting us. I never doubted during my miscarriages God's goodness, not once.

But somehow, this place felt different. It was harder for me to truly relax and "be still and know that He is God" Psalm 46:10 because of EXACTLY that. HE is GOD. Not ME! I cannot control what is going on inside of my body, only He can....and that is what scared me the most. Knowing that the same God who saw fit to give us Mady and to give us 3 babies to lose in miscarriage is the same God who placed this baby in my womb. Which path would He choose for me this time? This thought was terrifying and it was that THOUGHT that scared me, not His comfort, His mercy or His blessing. It was the outcome I wasn't prepared for, because I JUST DIDN'T KNOW what HE would DO. 

Thankfully, He has chosen to keep this little one in my womb. I am 16 weeks today and praising the Lord with every flutter and movement I feel. This baby is a miracle, as are all children. 

A lot of people have asked me if I feel "better" now that I am further in my pregnancy and out of the first trimester or if I feel "better" because I am "finally" feeling like I am trusting the Lord more. My answer is : I never stopped trusting. Its the UN- KNOWN outcome that is scary; as in getting bad news. The good news is that the OUTCOME only lasts a moment, but His mercy lasts a lifetime. His goodness, His comfort is everlasting. Bad news is hard, its scary and every woman that has been delivered some will tell you its the initial news they fear, not the recovery. 

For me there was only one way to move and that was forward. The Lord was kind in restoring my broken heart. He still restores....but joy does come in the morning....and NOT solely because of the promise of new life, but solely because of the promise of ETERNAL life I have in Christ. God is good to sprinkle blessings and sufferings along the way. 

Pray with us for this new blessing He has given us.