Learning Obedience

Lately and since our losses I have been very reflective with how blessed I am to have Madelyn. I find myself rocking her extra long at night, grabbing a few more kisses throughout the day and giving in a little too much after I've already said "no". Which, to a two year old (we are still 2 weeks away from 2, but are already seeing signs) translates into so many areas of disobedience that I cannot even begin to tell you. Now usually, we are pretty good about being consistent. Of course making the normal first parent mistakes, but pretty consistent. However, since my miscarriage I found saying "no" to be a little bit harder. 

Don't get me wrong...rocking, kissing, holding...all GREAT things to be doing with kiddos...but the giving in part, not so great. Bad Mommy!

I didn't actually see the effects of my disobedience in discipline until today! Boy, was it rough. We had a meltdown right as we got to the park, during the park, leaving the park, at home, during nap....you get the point. The problem was really my own lack of structure regarding our choices in what we were allowing Mady to do. Small example:

I was in the nursing mothers room at church having a great conversation with someone that I had not spoken with in some time. Since the last time we spoke she has gone through a lot and I was asking her how we could be praying for their family. She was pouring her heart out and my child was also pouring hers in demand after whiny demand regarding the snacks she could see on the table. She wanted one. I said "no", she persisted. I said "no" once more, with a little more explanation. All the while I am trying to listen to my friend and not lose my cool because my two year old was displaying very typical childish behavior. Mady needed one more firm "no" and a removal from the room. However, I wanted to continue talking and I did and then when the third whine for "snack" came, I gave in. Gave her the snack that was meant to minister to the nursing mothers of our church, which I gladly serve (but in this situation, they served us....sorry ladies).

Hear me. This is just MY EXPERIENCE and MY OPINION. I am not saying this is gospel truth. This is just a small story and glimpse into our lives and my vulnerability in confessing sin. Please, no judgement here.

In the grand scheme of my disciplining Mady, this probably was a minor deviation....but when you continue to let your child {in my opinion} persist in deciding what is best for them they will begin to really "buck" your authority. This presented mainly in acting out because of a lack of structured discipline, which ever child craves and needs. Which is what I found myself doing since our last miscarriage. I was giving in to her demands, in small ways everyday to make her happy. I guess I thought (in some weird way) that if she longed for it, I wanted her to see her desires met so she didn't have to experience a yearning left un-fulfilled; like me.  WHAT!? If this isn't straight out of a Dr. Phil show, I don't know what is. Bear with me.

Thankfully, the holy spirit convicted my heart about this earlier in the week and I confessed and sought forgiveness and further wisdom in lovingly disciplining my little lady. I really felt convicted on not letting my "yes be yes and no be no", a command found in Matthew 5:37.  So since, I have gotten myself back on the course and not deviating from the "plan". I did, however brace myself for what lie ahead.  Combining the consequences of my sin and seeing its fruition the in the behavior of my "adorable little sinner" is truly sanctifying! Really a good encouragement to keep up with loving, biblical discipline.


Its so easy to give in.
Its so easy to say "yes" in the moment to have to fight to say "no" later....when "no" really has to be "no". Lesson learned!

I think I knew all along that I was sinning in my lack of consistency in commands to Mady, but like I said...since my loss and the pain we've walked through I wanted to {selfishly} avoid any more pain by giving in. Giving her a "yes" because I so desperately wanted a "yes" too. 

It wasn't that God was giving me a "NO!" with my miscarriages. It was just a "no, for right now".  A "be patient and wait" kind of answer. Really, the hardest kind if you ask me. Which is really what we are trying to teach Mady when we tell her "no". A snack is really not a bad thing for her to have, but the timing was not good and her insistence upon getting her way was not the right approach in asking. So a "no" was necessary to teach her patience and obedience. With my "no" I wanted to do two things: 1.) establish authority as her parent and 2.) ask for her respect and trust as I lovingly guide her to decisions that will "go well with her" as God's word tells us to do:

 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.  “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise—  “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”

Eph. 6:1-3 

 

Just like Mady, sometimes we just need a "no, wait and be patient" response. Now, please hear me. We did NOT lose these babies because we SINNED (like Mady's insistent demanding), we did nothing wrong for these things to happen. God is not an evil God with a magnified glass in the sky on a bright sunny day.  However, with-holding the answer to our asking was teaching us to trust God's authority in our lives as He lovingly guides us to what "will go well with us", just like our instruction to Mady. The outcome in teaching obedience is the same.

 

I have found lots of wisdom and encouragement in these specific verses:

  Your righteousness, God, reaches to the heavens,
   you who have done great things.
   Who is like you, God?
 Though you have made me see troubles,
   many and bitter,
   you will restore my life again;
from the depths of the earth
   you will again bring me up.
 You will increase my honor
   and comfort me once more.

Psalm 71:19-21

I will sing to the LORD, because he has dealt bountifully with me.

Psalm 13:6

    The steps of a man are established by the LORD,
        when he delights in his way;
    though he fall, he shall not be cast headlong,
        for the LORD upholds his hand.

Psalm 37:23-24 

God will "restore my life again" because as I see in the patterns of my life as a believer that "He has dealt bountifully with me", therefore "I will delight in his way" and trust the Lord as He "upholds my hand".  His answer this year in our desire to adopt was "no, wait", in our desire to conceive twice was a "no, wait". We know God's timing is perfect, so we wait and trust him for the answer to our prayer; which undoubtedly will be better than any outcome we could imagine for ourselves. And just like we desire "not to exasperate our children" (Eph. 6:4) in our instruction to them, we trust the Lord will not lead us in a exasperation, but rather sanctifying us and giving us a feast instead of a snack.