Waiting Room

I wanted to highlight, for future (and present) praises some things God has done for me, in His perfect providence.

Each instance, as I have been literally waiting in the waiting room to see my doctor the Lord has sweetly dealt with me. Once, just before I was given the news that the babies heart had stopped beating (with Psalm 34:18) and also again during my appointment last week.

So here is the story of just how good and tender our Great and Magnificent God can be; and in a personal way.

At this point I had been bleeding for almost 4 weeks straight. I was having to get my hemoglobin checked every few days just to make sure I wasn't anemic. Finally, my OBGYN group said, "enough is enough" and wanted to get me in to do an ultrasound to make sure everything was healing as it should.  So, a last minute appointment was made and I rushed in to have an ultrasound. I was in good spirits and ready to find some answers. Any answers. I needed answers!

I walked up to the front desk of the office for my ultrasound and immediately relieved to see the wonderful woman who did all of my ultrasounds with Mady. I was hopping she'd be the one to do this one. For some reason that was a comfort to me. I wasn't sure how I would feel about going into the same office, with the same tech who did my last ultrasound, where I was told the babies heart stopped.

Well....guess which tech did this ultrasound? Not the one I wanted. As I followed her back to the same room, I felt convicted. I was thinking: "Seriously Danielle, just because she is your tech today means nothing compared to God's sovereignty of every area of your life. Stop being superstitious!" I struggle with that for some reason. Hah.

Anyway, all that to say my ultrasound revealed that everything has healed as it should after my D&C. She even said that my uterus looks very healthy. Ovaries looked great too. No problems to report, in fact very normal and healthy! Yay!! Immediately, I felt relief. I had more relief when I found out my hemoglobin went from 11 to a healthy 13.6 in just a few days. Yay, again!

So there I sat, waiting. Waiting to see a doctor, because mine was out of the office that day. I had good news from my ultrasound and I was ready to hear his explanation for why I was still bleeding. Just before I went back, as I was sitting surrounded by cute pregnant woman (who looked miserable) I read Isaiah 61 and was SO ENCOURAGED!

To grant to those who mourn in Zion- to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit; that they may be called oaks of righteousness , the planting of the Lord, that he may be glorified." 
Isaiah 61: 3


Remember those last words. They are important to this story.

My name was called to be seen by the doctor.
I followed the nurse back and was greeted by the doctor whom I remembered from my OB appointments with Mady as the "UK fan". I remember liking him. He was warm.

This visit I noticed he had a gold ichthus, also known as a "Jesus Fish" pinned on the color of his white doctor's coat. I thought for a moment that that was cool. Especially in a profession that is so heavily scientific to proclaim to every patient that he believes there is something greater out there in control and that somebody is Jesus.

We talked. He encouraged me by saying I was very healthy and basically confirmed the findings of my ultrasound. He saw no reason why we would have any more trouble conceiving and carrying to term. He encouraged our future plans and assured me that I was doing just fine....just taking a bit longer to heal. The bleeding would eventually stop. ( I can say today, the 4th of October, 1 month and 2 days after my D&C that it has officially stopped. Today is the first day with no bleeding!)

I thanked him for seeing me so last minute and reassuring me. I told him we were trusting the Lord and confident in His good and perfect plans for our family. To which he said (with a huge smile) "Good, because no one can understand His ways, but him....which reminds me of the story of the blind man....." he then goes on to quote the gospel of John:

As he passed by, he saw a man blind from birth. And his disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” Jesus answered, “It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him.
(John 9:1-3 ESV)

He didn't quote it verbatim, but he did say: "We don't understand why these things happen...its not your fault, but we do know that according to Jesus, its for God's glory." Holy moly! I was overwhelmed with encouragement. Not only did this man tell me that I physically checked out, but he used Jesus' words encourage me. In my opinion, there is no better word to encourage with than His Word. {I cannot find another word for "encourage...sorry for its over use....haha}

Since we found out we lost this baby. I kept saying and pleading with God that He would receive glory in some way through this suffering. If in some way, our pain in loss could bring about glory to our great God than it was worth it. Well, like a wax seal to an envelope, so came my answer literally right before my appointment and right after. (Go back and re-read Isaiah 61:3 from above and notice the embolden words)

I have heard from so many people that have encouraged me with kind words about how my open healing has been an encouragement to them. That they are spurred on towards Christ and praising God for the joy we have despite our circumstances.

God is getting glory and I pray to be found in no other place.

All this to say....  God is GOOD, He hears our prayers and has not left us to ourselves. Our mourning will turn into songs of praise. We will be adorned with gladness and planted deep as an oak of righteousness, befitting of praise to our God!